Episode 60 | Dealing with Four Types of Difficult Managers

Hello, hello, you're listening to the Better Workday Podcast with me, Niamh Moynihan.

This week, I am talking about a topic that was suggested by one of you, listeners. So thank you and sorry for taking so long to do this, by the way. So back in February 2025, I spoke about how to manage up and build a better relationship with your manager. It was episode number 42. And I got a suggestion as a result of that to kind of talk about how to manage a situation where your manager is narcissistic. And I thought it was a really good topic.

But I wanted to kind of flesh it out a little bit and talk about different situations where, you know, you're not getting the support that you might need from your manager and what you can do about it. So not just talk, talk about that scenario, but a few other situations where I'd see a lot in terms of that manager employee relationship. And now full disclosure, I'm not a HR person. OK, if anyone knows me, you know that. ⁓ But I have been working in corporate, you know, from

I had 16 years there ⁓ and I have been a manager. I've made lots of mistakes as a manager. And of course, I've had plenty of them myself. And I continue to work with lots of lovely leaders and managers today when I deliver workshops for their teams. So I do have quite a bit of exposure to this topic. But again, the caveat, I'm not a HR person and always go to your own HR person if you've any questions or concerns and check your own company policies and procedures and all of that stuff. But with that in mind.

When this idea came to me or when the suggestion came to me, I immediately thought, my God, there's nothing worse than having a bad boss because it has such an impact on your day if you need their support, if you need them to, you know, get the work done. And, you know, if you're relying on them for even exposure to other teams, other leaders and for your career, right. Now, of course, there are some situations where honestly a good or bad manager won't have a huge impact on you.

So for example, if you're really experienced, if you've been in an organization a long time, if you're well connected, know, if you're very much in control of your own career, then, you know, the impact will be smaller. But for many of us, that's not the case. And today I want to talk about four different scenarios where you might have a bad boss. OK, so that is inverted commas, by the way. I want to talk about the inexperienced manager, the unavailable manager, the badly matched manager, and of course, the narcissistic manager.

So the first one for me is the inexperienced manager. And I have been this person and I want to start by saying, if you are a leader and if you have managers, please, please give them manager training. And if there are any high performing individual contributors that you're going, my God, they'll make a great manager someday. Don't wait until they're in management to give them the training because an inexperienced manager

can really get in the way of the team's work day. When I first moved into management, I wasn't given any training, which meant I was a micromanager because I was absolutely terrified of anything going wrong. And I didn't know how to manage the team's workload and my workload and all the relationships with stakeholders at the same time. Okay. So that was, you know, chaotic and no one liked to be micromanaged. And I was stressed off my head trying to keep on top of everybody. But also I couldn't have difficult conversations.

All right, so I couldn't talk to somebody ⁓ about their performance or about salary expectations or about, you know, changes in the company. I just didn't feel confident talking about those things. So as a result, I either talked about them really coldly ⁓ and too matter of fact and not considering my team member, which, of course, was terrible. Or I didn't talk about it at all. I made it seem like everything's going to be fine and don't worry about it and we'll figure it out, which meant that

Ultimately, when things weren't fine and when I couldn't figure it out, it was a much bigger problem. All right. And again, my team members as ones that were affected by that. So, you know, that was a long time ago for me, but it always stands to me and it's why I'm so passionate about supporting early managers and managers at all level, because you do need to get that training. need to get that guidance and support in building those skills, because it's really, really important for you to be able to support your team.

in the right way. It's about the good, the bad, the ugly and all the stuff in between. And you need to be able to do all of those. So if you have an inexperienced manager at the moment, what I would first do is assess the impact that has on you, because as I said, depending on your role, how long you're in company and all those factors, might not be a big deal for you. You might be like, actually, I'm going to help this manager get on their way. But if it does have a big impact, go back to that episode I mentioned, number 42, I'll link it in the show notes.

And follow some of those steps there for managing up. OK, so for managing your manager so that you can reduce the negative impact of that inexperience and then maybe look to see, can you build a better relationship with your skip level manager, the next manager up or somebody else in the organization and to get some extra support? But really, the call for this one actually is for the leaders. If you have managers, please, please, please train them.

Now, number two, of course, is the unavailable manager. And I have experienced this having worked with some very lovely, but very, very, very busy people. I mean, these people were in meetings from the moment I pulled up in the car park until I'd say I was making my dinner at home that evening. Back to back, all strategic, all non-negotiable meetings, which meant that if I had a problem, I couldn't reach them. I'm sure you've been there and I'm sure many of you are actually in that position.

So the problem of course with this is number one, as a team member, as an employee, you don't feel seen or heard or like your priority. And also problems that you have that start small could get very, very big if you don't get the support that you need from your manager to be able to address them. And so if you have an unavailable manager, what I suggest you do is agree with them how to access them.

in a way that's realistic. So it might be a case of using the My Desk template that I mentioned way back in that episode. Again, I link that template actually again for you in the show notes because it's very handy. Using that template to flag to your manager, you know, every week, this is what's happening and this is what I need your support in. Maybe it's agreeing to have a five minute phone call, you know, every Wednesday at 9.05. Like whatever it is, just find that little window.

and just start working from there, working with what you both have. All right, so maybe you communicating more clearly and then then making a small pocket of time available. And if you are a very, very, very busy manager, what I'd like you to do is look to see if, know, in the next couple of weeks, if you could start scheduling something which I call team time. So this is 15 to 30 minutes, a couple of times a week that you put into your calendar as a recurring placeholder.

It's not to be filled with meetings. It's not for one to ones. It's not for team check ins. It is literally so that you are not in other meetings, so that if anyone on your team does need you, you will be there. So if they pick up the phone, you can answer. All right. And again, it's not going to be a huge amount of time, but a little bit of time is better than nothing. All right. So, you know, a few pockets of team time spread across your week will let your team know that look.

You are important and I am setting this time aside for you so if we don't get to talk on this on Tuesday, there's time there Wednesday morning. I won't be in a meeting. All right. It's really, really important. So number three for me is the badly matched manager. So this is got nothing to with their experience or yours or either of your performance or any of that. Nothing to do with availability. You just don't get on. So, you know.

I'm sure you've been in situations where you look at another person and like, I don't know how you get on with your manager. And they're like, I love them. I get on with them really, really well. I've been there. And then I've also been in situations where, you know, I'm not really gelling with the manager and everyone else on the team thinks that they're great. All right. So this is where personality types come in. We can't avoid it. You know, you're not going to get along with everyone all the time, but we do need to work with people. All right. So if you feel like the problem is that you just don't

get each other, you just don't click. Your communication styles are different. Your working styles are different. How you set expectations are different. The whole thing just feels off. I would highly, highly recommend personality profile assessments or even just exploring different personality types and understanding how you can work with different types of people. It's invaluable. I've done a lot of work on this actually at team workshops over the last couple of months. We haven't done the psychometric assessments. We haven't done the deep profiles.

but we have just discussed different types of personalities and how you communicate and how you work with different people. And it's amazing, delightful moments that I see when people recognize, oh my God, yeah, maybe if I just change that approach, it make all the difference. So look, you're never going to be a bestie with a badly matched manager, but you can definitely work better together. And just know that over the course of your career, you're not going to get on amazingly with absolutely everybody. And one of the best skills you can develop is being able to work with people.

regardless of whether or not they are preferred personality types. OK, so that one could be a bit of a challenge, but it's a challenge worth taking because, as I said, it'll stand to you then in all future working relationships. And then number four, we have the narcissistic manager. And this is the person, you know, who it's all about them. They take all the credit, they take all the praise and they push all the blame. And it can be very hard to work with somebody who's narcissistic.

You know, they can be full of their own self-importance. It's all about them. It's never about you. Even when it's about you, it's suddenly about them again. Right. And it can be quite difficult. It can be difficult for you to get your work done. It can be difficult for you to move ahead with your career and get recognition. It can also just be difficult for you to feel like you matter, you know, like that you're appreciated and that you're seen and heard at work. So if you have a narcissistic manager,

There's a couple of things that I suggest you do. First of all, if you can talk to somebody about it at work, do. I know that that's not available for everybody, but if you can have a chat, do. You're probably not the only one affected by this behavior and being able to talk to other people about it, you might be able to share different strategies or ideas. The second thing is really is to document all the good work that you're doing and any challenges you're having and any issues that you raise with them. So again, that might ask template I mentioned earlier.

You know, it's a really good way for just keeping a record for sharing both with the manager, but also even just for yourself in case you ever need to share with anyone else in the future. So you can use it for that as well. And then I would suggest, you know, setting up meetings with other people across the organization who can help you with your career and just kind of building out your profile beyond that particular manager. So this is about you looking at how you're going to network with other people, how you're going to, you know, not rely on one person.

for showcasing the good work that you do and how you can build other relationships for maybe the long term. And do set your boundaries with this person, okay? So you don't have to be their bestie. Like just like I mentioned in the last one, you're a badly matched manager. You don't have to spend all your time with them. You can just get the work done. And I do suggest you do that, that you limit your exposure to the person. And finally, in all of these cases,

There might come a time that you just say, just can't work with them anymore. And I just want to say, that's OK. Like if you feel that staying in a team isn't going to support you, is going to be bad for your career and for you personally, it's OK to look at other options. know, again, you can talk to HR, you can talk to other people, you can do your own thing, but don't feel like you can't move.

or that you can't make a change or you can't take a step, whatever that is for you. Again, you know, I'm not HR, obviously, and I don't know your personal circumstance, but there's always something that can be done, whether that's kind of limiting the impact of a relationship or maybe looking to get out of situation altogether. So look, this has been a bit of a different episode for me. It's something I did have to mull over for for quite a while, I'll be honest, before I addressed it on the podcast, because I'm all about creating a better work day. And this is one of the situations I can have.

a really negative impact on the work day, sometimes intentionally, sometimes completely unintentionally. But I leave you with this, know, if you are in management, I'm guessing you're really, really busy and I'm guessing because you're someone who listens to this podcast that you are trying to do your best. So maybe something that you could do is take a minute for yourself today and check in to see, you getting the support that you need in order for you to be able to show up for your team?

And if you're an individual contributor, you know, go check out that MyDesk template and go check out the previous episode. And hopefully it's some inspiration for you. And again, I'll disclose by saying have a chat with somebody ⁓ in your company that you trust. You're in it together. You understand the culture and the dynamics much better than I can know because I just don't know where you work. And it's good to talk. All right. It's good to talk.

Thank you for joining me on this week's episode of the Better Workday podcast. If you enjoyed the show, the best way you can support me is by giving the podcast a rating, leaving a comment, sharing this episode and subscribing wherever you get your podcasts so you don't miss the next episode. For more information and to sign up for my mailing list, head over to abetterworkday.com. Thanks again for listening and I'll be back in your ears next week. Until then, stay well and have a better workday.